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Reflections: The United Methodist Church Decision on Human Sexuality

4/19/2019

Photo by SwapnIl Dwivedi on Unsplash

Last month, the United Methodist Church voted to uphold its ban on gay and lesbian clergy and same-sex marriage. However, the majority of the Methodist leaders in the US are supportive of same-sex couples and voted to change the church’s position.

The closeness of the vote—53 percent to 47 percent—is reflective of the number of Christian pastors and leaders in the US who have studied the same scriptures, and concluded that same-sex marriage is compatible with Christian teaching. Which raises the question, “How is it possible for prayerful, faithful Christians to study the same Biblical texts, and yet arrive at different conclusions?”

What is Empathy?

3/2/2019

The word ‘empathy’ gets thrown around a lot these days, but what does it really mean? Let’s start with what empathy is not. Empathy is not feeling sorry or pity for someone. It’s not feeling sympathy, which is feeling compassion for what someone is going through. It’s also not mind reading! Empathy is not simply offering verbal affirmations when you know someone is hurt or upset, and it’s not trying to fix or problem-solve someone’s emotional experiences. Empathy is also not just a base level of understanding; it moves beyond understanding and experiencing something intellectually to actually feeling the experience in your body and heart as well.

If sympathy is feeling for, empathy is feeling with.

If you are empathizing, you’ll feel the feelings that you’d actually be experiencing if you were going through what someone else is. One definition that I love comes from Brené Brown: “Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of you’re not alone.” Empathy is moving beyond being a witness to a sense of withness. When people experience your empathy, they’re less likely to feel alone or invalidated. St. Benedict also said it beautifully: “Listen and attend with the ear of your heart.”

January 31st, 2019

1/31/2019

Caleb's Story:

A Catholic Gay Perspective on My Relationship with God

“God knows that I have been naive, but I think it makes Him proud of me.”
-Sleeping At Last

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

As a child growing up in Catholic school, I heard this song a lot. As it was hammered into me, day in and day out, I held the lyric as a foundation as my faith grew up around it. It started with pure and simple thinking about how God (the overarching name of God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit) would always love me. It seemed a very easy fact to put into my knowledge bank. God loves me, I get it Ms. Riley, now onto the next lesson. Subtraction seems to be a little hard--can’t we focus on that a little longer?

Some kids struggled with this lesson more than me.
Justin: But what if I am bad?
Ms. Riley: He loves you.
Nick: What if I am different?
Ms. Riley: He loves you.

To misquote a favorite novel of mine: God will love you in a box, with a fox, He will love you here AND there. He will love you ANYWHERE. It’s not that hard, people. There aren’t exceptions. No loopholes. God loves you.

Gena talks with Krista Xiomara, host of "I'm Awake, Now What?"

7/30/2018

Empathy as a Superpower?

Photo by Irina Hess

Recently Krista Xiomara invited me to be a guest on her splashy new podcast "I'm Awake, Now What?" where we tour the in's and out's of empathy and Christian practices. In Part One, we discuss the neuroscience of empathy and what happens in our brain when we feel another's pain. At one point Krista comments, "So empathy is like a superpower!" And that idea makes us laugh (and cry) because, of course, superpowers can either grow us or destroy us.

"Superpowers can either grow us
or destroy us."

It's not life-giving to experience each other's pain unless we know what to do with it. And because social pain travels some of the same neural pathways as physical pain, it impacts our physical health. But we're living in an exciting time where we're coming to understand what to do with pain so it grows us (instead of destroys us). Through fMRI technology, we can watch our gray matter growing in real time as new synaptic connections are formed through practices like prayer, meditation, and empathetic interactions with others. Today's science is reintroducing us to what Christian communities have known for centuries: spiritual practices transform our pain.

It may sound simple, but it's not easy; the trails leading to spiritual health and wellness are not always places we're inclined to go which is why we guides pointing out the trails. For the Christian, this is we mean by "following Jesus". Without a trail guide, our brains and bodies have the tendency to wander about, untethered to the spirit of Christ in us, mistaking own personal likes and dislikes for divine moral imperatives. In Part Two, we discuss the implications of this by examining the use of the word "homosexuality" in modern English translations. Empathy is an essential companion for anyone who wishes to read and understand the scriptures plainly and apply their wisdom to the health and wellness of ourselves and our neighbors.

For more on Biblical interpretation and empathy, the Human Empathy Project has compiled some additional resources. Listen to the full episodes of my conversation with Krista on "I'm Awake, Now What". And if you're a pastor, faith leader, or Christian parent of an LGBTQ+ loved one in need of a confidential place to talk, check out our free, private consultations.

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Gena Minnix, PhD is a counselor, educator, and researcher on faculty at the Seminary of the Southwest, in Austin, TX, and co-founder of the Human Empathy Project.

Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gay vs. Christians Debate (by Justin Lee)

5/1/2017

Book Review: Torn by Justin Lee

Justin’s Lee’s captivating book Torn combines autobiography, history, culture, and faith to address the schism between the gay community and the Christian community in a very personable way.

The book begins by following self-proclaimed “God Boy” Justin through his teen years as he slowly discovers he is a gay man. As a faithful, prayer Christian and a gay man, Justin finds himself in a “unique position to bring peace”. I found this book to be an insightful read for Christian readers, gay readers, and especially gay Christian readers struggling with their “torn” identities.

Lee provides a welcoming space where all viewpoints (even ones that differ from his own) can be heard, respected, and even celebrated. The book addresses several topics, including the following:

My Inspirational Journey

4/24/2017

Experiencing the GCN Conference

Photo by GCN Conference

The first thought that crossed my mind when I entered the auditorium at the Gay Christian Network’s opening night was “I can’t believe how many people are here.” For years I have been saying to myself that I was the only one of my kind; a Christian who is also a gay man. One of the nights of the Gay Christian Network Conference is spent with people who attended the conference getting the chance to express how the conference has affected them.

“This was a place where all ideas/perspectives were heard and respected.
A place where differing opinions were valued.”

It Came as a Surprise

4/3/2017

Welcome to the Human Empathy Project

Photo by Nate Dumlao

The story of the Human Empathy Project is a mystery, suspense, drama, action-adventure, and love story, all rolled into one. I like things I can observe and study, things like our brains and bodies, health and wellness. That doesn’t always leave much room for the unexplainable. But one Fall day in 2012, something happened to me that I couldn't explain and it came as a total surprise.

As a Christian person, I'd always been taught that gay love was harmful and that prayer and therapy could help a gay person either:

Change their sexual attractions
Remain celibate
Find contentment marrying the opposite gender

Our Story

3/27/2017

How We Began

The Human Empathy Project was born one day when a group of diverse friends came together to learn more about the crossroads of Christian beliefs and LGBT affirmation. We began gathering monthly dinner conversations around a common table, sharing food and stories from our lives and experiences of God, faith, relationships, and community.

Some were people of faith and some were people who did not identify with any particular religion, or who’d had really hurtful experiences in church. Some folks identified as LGBT and/or gay Christians... and some were heterosexual folks who’d never even sat int the same room as a married gay couple before.

“When the ground is uneven...
empathy must always flow downhill.”

We slowly came to discover two important things.

First, if we think of empathy as a stream of water, then when the ground is even and level, ideally empathy will flow both ways. However, when the ground is uneven, due to inequality or marginalization or judgement, then empathy must always flow downhill. Call it the “law of empathy” if you will. So if empathy ever flows uphill, then we can say it’s being extremely generous. That. I think, needs to be understood really well from the start.

The second thing we learned is this: Empathy flourishes when there is no other agenda. This was actually pretty surprising to learn because we often do have agendas we may not always recognize. As an evangelical Christian, I’m often inclined to think God wants me to say or do a particular thing, to try to influence someone else’s view of faith, etc. but that’s not how empathy works.

“Empathy flourishes when there is
no other agenda.”

One of the gay married Christian couples at our dinners actually got really frustrated with the celibate gay Christians who were coming. They were like, Why are you so committed to celibacy? Aren’t you just repressing yourself? We talked it through as an empathy practice and that was actually really powerful, diverse folks came to trust one another. They saw that everyone who was coming to these dinners was being extremely thoughtful about their lives, their relationships, their spiritual health and wellness. God can help each of us discern together and come to trust one another and the spirit when we gently set aside our agendas and simply try to listen and understand each other's unique experiences.

Here’s another example. Some of our LGBT friends who came to our dinners shared that they found it extremely difficult to sit in the room and share a meal with pastors and ministers because of how deeply they’d been hurt by the church. As a result of the conversations, they came to understand some of the vulnerabilities of the pastors, that they’re just people, with feelings and loyalties and complex lives, and that mutual understanding seemed really helpful and even healing for some.

Another example of profound empathy occurred when a heterosexual couple at one of our dinners commented that they felt baffled by bisexuality. They asked the group around the table, “If someone’s bi, does that mean they need to seek out both genders to feel satisfied in life?” We discussed this and it turns out, this is is common misunderstanding about bisexuality. Those who feel attracted across genders actually tell us they are as desiring of a committed monogamous relationship as anyone else; when they fall in love with someone, it's no different than when a heterosexual person falls in love and wants to marry or commit themselves to a partner.

Slowly through practicing mutual empathy and getting to know one another’s stories, understanding grew. One person who'd been coming to our dinners decided to go back to church. A few friends came out to themselves. One couple got engaged to be married. Several people said they found the conversations healing.

Photo by Connor Baker on Unsplash

It’s not about everyone agreeing. For Christians, there's this idea called the "priesthood of all believers", it's important to our faith. It means we’re each responsible to pray and figure out what the scripture means and what the spirit's doing in our lives. So we can stay open, and empathetic, to each other. It relieves the pressure we often feel to try to change each other’s minds.

Click here to listen to Gena share the vision for the Human Empathy Project.

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Gena Minnix, PhD is a counselor, educator, and faculty member at the Seminary of the Southwest, in Austin, TX, and co-founder of the Human Empathy Project.