Being an Ally to the LGBT+ Community

What does it take to be an ally? I love this list from the GLAAD website that shows ten ways you can be an ally to your LGBTQIA+ community.
 
1.Be a listener.
2.Be open-minded.
3.Be willing to talk.
4.Be inclusive and invite LGBT friends to hang out with your friends and family.
5.Don't assume that all your friends and co-workers are straight. Someone close to you could be looking for support in their coming-out process. Not making assumptions will give them the space they need. (I’ll add - Don’t assume pronouns or that everyone identifies as man or woman).
6.Anti-LGBT comments and jokes are harmful. Let your friends, family, and co-workers know that you find them offensive.
7.Confront your own prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.
8.Defend your LGBT friends against discrimination.
9.Believe that all people should be treated with dignity and respect, including those who identify as a different gender or sexual orientation from you
10.If you see LGBT people being misrepresented in the media, contact glaad.org.

Let’s focus for a moment on that seventh step, “Confront your own prejudices and bias.” What an important component to be an ally! Often people who present themselves as allies unknowingly act in a way that can make queer people feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unseen. While the intent may not be to harm anyone with your words or actions, it can still be damaging to the person on the receiving end of your behaviors. The truth is, straight and cisgender people can’t fully relate to being a queer person, and vice versa. It’s inevitable that this will create blind spots and potentially cause any well-meaning ally to act insensitively. As a person who identifies as straight or cisgender, how do you check your privilege? 

1. Are you aware of how much space you are taking up? 

• When you come into a queer space such as a bar, performance, or pride parade, are you making it about you? Are your words belittling to those in the space? “Oh my gosh, you guys are so cute in your little outfits.” “I love that I can come here and not get hit on.” “This is so interesting and different from straight bars!” Imagine someone coming into your space that is meant to feel safe and welcoming, and then commenting on aspects of it as if you are on display. It would feel diminishing. It would feel invasive. It would even feel demeaning at times. You may not have realized the impact of your words because being straight has historically been “the norm” so there aren’t these moments of someone commenting on “your lifestyle.” Sometimes we intend for our words to convey acceptance when instead they reinforce the insecurities of “being different” and/or unwelcome.
  

2. Do you minimize a person’s queerness?

• Have you ever said something along the lines of, “I don’t even notice your sexuality. I just treat you like a person.” Or “I don’t think of y’all as a gay couple. You’re just a couple to me.” Maybe you are even guilty of saying, “I don’t mind that you are gay. Just don’t do that stuff around me.” Minimizing someone’s existence is not enlightening or accepting. It’s making someone smaller to fit your own comfortability. You don’t have to be at the other end of the spectrum where you are only identifying your loved on as their sexuality. “My gay friend…” “Her lesbian daughter…”Identifying someone strictly based on there sexuality can be hurtful and demeaning. Notice if you are acknowledging that our sexuality and gender are big parts of our identity, or if you are minimizing this. 

3. Do you hold your LGBTQIA+ loved ones to a certain and/or unrealistic standard? 

• How has media influenced your views on the LGBT community? Are you expecting someone to be a “power lesbian” who always has it together, a “witty and funny gay guy” who says “Biiiitch” before every wise and willful comment? These are stereotypes that can be harmful. Absolutely there are queer people with big personalities that should be celebrated, but everyone has a different personality and that doesn’t stop with the LGBT community. Notice if you are overgeneralizing a certain personality. Are you allowing your loved ones to fail, hurt, feel insecure, be introverted, and be more than just your fun-loving sidekick? Are you expecting someone who identifies as LGBTQIA+ to be an expert of the community? It’s important to note that just because someone has come out to you doesn’t mean they are now the LGBT spokesperson and educator in your life. 

4. Are you part of the fight?

• We have a long way to go in terms of rights, laws and overall cultural shifts in how America and the world treats the LGBT community. Are you actively involved in LGBT issues, and using your platform to move the ball forward? Are you stepping outside of your comfort zone to stand up for your LGBT family and friends? Are you using your privilege to create a space to lift people in the queer community up and give them a voice? Are you supporting LGBT artists, activists, and businesses by paying for their services and not asking for their labor to be free? Being an ally is more than having a queer friend. It can be easy to hide behind your privilege, but who are you harming by staying silent? You don’t have to drop everything in your life and solely focus on LGBT rights. But you can be a part of the change by contributing to the cause whenever and however it is possible. You don’t have to be a therapist, counselor, or activist all the time. Just show up for your queer community. 

 
 
Take a moment to explore these questions for yourself. You may choose to ask your queer friends and family their experience of you. Remember to be open hearted to their feedback. If you find that you have hurt your friend, apologize and repair it. Taking responsibility for your actions and working to fix it is showing love and support. Confronting your bias can be uncomfortable, but necessary. Challenge yourself to always be open to growth and learning.